Today is Robert John McAllens birthday. He would have been 74.
He was a great guy, one of the funniest and most creative people I have ever met. He would have run rampant on the internet with his creativity. He foresaw the internet bust telling me before he died these companies will never work. Losing him left a huge empty void in my life but reading the below testimonials always gives me big smile and gets me choked up. And I am really sorry for such a long post but its my blog. 
Read through a few to get a sense of what kind of guy he was through the words of others.
The below passage was read at my dads memorial by Karen Tyree Crommie
I first met Bob while I was sitting in our car in the parking lot of Lucky’s market in Oakland. It was around ten at night– we had been shopping and David was getting into the drivers side when he spied his high school friend in the next car. The next thing I knew someone had thrown a package of meat in my lap and run off. David called him back and introduced me to Bob McAllen.
In those days Bob was a wild man. Spontaneous, crazy, funny, apt to drink too much and then he was morose, nihilistic, profound tormented in ways that would never be quieted. He was in a word, sexy.
But Bob was also an adolescent. Forget he was 25 years old working for Blake Moffit and Towne selling paper products, he definitely in some state of arrested growth. That’s what made him so dammed attractive. But, of course, it was inevitable that he grew up and his first decision was to find meaningful work. He decided to go back to State college and become an English teacher. He was doing that one night when he came to pass the evening with David while I was out at a sorority meeting with Barbara. Barbara came back to our Clay Street apartment for a drink and then they met. Barbara and Bob. The attraction between them was immediate. I was envious. Bob was the wild man every woman had a crush on. Bob could win a girl over with the line, “Do you mind if I pause here to get a stone out of my shoe?” Bob’s charm was such that there was one girl who lived in the residence house where he lived, around the corner, who would steal into his room at night just to warm the sheets for him. Bob could break your heart, even when he didn’t mean to.
Years went by, Barbara’s first husband Bill Rowe was killed in a tragic car accident, Barbara and Bob married. Barbara was the perfect mate for Bob. She was strong enough not to demand what he couldn’t give while appreciating all his strengths. No one got deeper pleasure from Bob’s humor than Barbara. Soon after their marriage, Bob abandoned teaching and began a series of sales jobs. He sold: stocks, signs, lab services (McAllens the name, blood,and urine’s the game, he loved to say) and commercial real estate. (My office is in the crotch of the Alcoa building, he would say). Then one day he told us he was going to apply to a company in Burlingame for which we worked, Lee Mendelson Films, for a job selling business films. He got the job and then, for the first time I saw how he struggled to keep his free spirit in tow, to keep the priest in him under wraps, to keep himself from laughing out loud at the silliness which characterizes many of the assumptions in the business world. He worked harder than anyone I know to be a good employee, a team player, a good producer,– when he was, at heart, a singular and often lonely soul. I n my experience no one could make Bob happy but Bob.
The kindness he did for others is legion. What started at Denny’s Barrel House in the Filmore during his drinking days ended with a transformational program called Project 90. If you were in trouble, Bob was the first person you thought of for unjudgemental help. And along with this compassion, and even though he eventually had to grow up, he was still the most charming entertaining and attractive man I ever knew. As long as I knew him, when he was in the room, people wanted to be around him, to here his take on things, to hear his latest; jokes, to find out what was new in his life: unlike many of us, Bob was always extending himself– whether it was riding motorcycles, studying Chinese, becoming a vegetarian, digging his own backyard well by hand or hanging in space boots upside down. That didn’t mean he had a sunny disposition. I don’t imagine he was easy to live with. But for all of us here, he’ll be harder to live without.
Friends
John Walsh
One of the many things that you could say of your father, is the world would have been a little more dull without him. He certainly brightened mine through the years.
There are many, many stories of your fathers wit, charm and humor and I’m sure you will hear many of the highlights. Some stories, however, are best not put to print. Not that they are so bad, only that by themselves they could be misconstrued. (I am laughing while writing this because I know how your father would react to me trying to show good taste.)
Okay, down to the meat of it, as it were. As you know, we went to USF together, through your father was much older than me. Something he denied all his life. Anyway, he was part of the East bay (ugh!) contingent, Zabriski brothers et al., so we didn’t pal (pal was a favorite word) around much. but when we did run into each other, sometimes literally, we were good friends and shared many of our adventures along the way with a few brews. Some of these are the ones not put to paper.
One example of what your father could get away with that us more common mortals would have been shot for, was the time he hung a business card of an associate with her picture on it on our small bulletin board at the store. under the picture he wrote, “For a good time, call Beth” “Oh Bob” was her only response. She would have stabbed me.
Another memorable time was when we were invited to a post memorial service(food) and we got the wrong address. there we were, two well dressed gentlemen, banging on the door of a lovely home in Hillsborough wanting to be let in for the good times(food). When finally answered by a lovely Asian housekeeper who did not speak English too well except the word “dead” . Her eyes grew and she raised to check her 103 year old mistress was still locked in her wheelchair. Thank god, your father did not try his Chinese on her. We finally found the right place but all the good food had been eaten.
The best part of your Dad was the man behind all the humor. he was not an English major by accident. he was extremely bright and very inquisitive. He was interested in thing, people, their responses and while his wit could carry a barb there was no meanness in it. He was an observer.
Some of the best memories of your dad were not the stories, through “the gorilla in the tree” still cracks me up just remembering how he told it, but watching him observe people. He would catch me watching and give me that quiet bemused smile. that’s how I will remember him.
I do not know how he was as a father in deed. like most fathers he probably thought he knew more than what he did but there was never, never any doubt about the pride, affection and love he had for you and kathie.
Hopefully, our paths will cross again. You are both what your father and I would call “one of the good guys.”
Best memories, John Walsh
Nora O’Brien
Many times when I was having lunch in local restaurants- Mostly the Bit of England (now Paragon), Your dad would walk in and refuse an invitation to sit down. He should have had the title of men’s rooms inspector because when he declined to join any of us, he always said he was just passing through to “pee” and look over the facilities! he made this comment at every local luncheon place and everyone always responded with laughs and barbs!
Bob was such an honest, humorous man, who always made you feel good after spending time with him. his chuckles were always welcome to hear, especially after one of his own jokes or stories. Such a great Irish gift.
I know how you and your family will miss him but you have wonderful memories to think about. My thoughts, prayers and love are with you all. Nora O’Brien
Ted Kruttschnitt
Thanks so much for sending the letter regarding your dad. As your letter suggests, Bob was a unique (i.e., delightful) personality. You and the rest of your family are in our thoughts and prayers. There is one particular story that I would like to add to your collection.
About 12 years ago, our mutual friends, Mike and Krys Harvey gave a formal backyard dinner party at their home about one block away from your parents home. The Harvey’s had hired a fancy dance band etc. Just before dessert, your dad and I excused ourselves and went to your house. we changed into two of Bobs very finest “bug suits” and returned to the Harvey’s. We made a grand entrance (in the dark) by climbing over the wall near the outdoor dining area. Several of the lady guests shrieked loudly at this strange phenomenon and the the formal aspect of the evening was totally shattered. The problem for Bob and me was that when we climbed over the wall in our bare feet we both landed in some large rose bushes, and we joined in the screaming. Neither Cathy(my wife) nor Krys Harvey spoke to me for several days (not the first nor the last time that had happened), although Barbara was quite amused (as if it was a regular occurrence)
Best regards, Ted Kruttschnitt
Joe Ferrando
Bob and I shared many of the same parallels. we both were in love with our wife and family; we enjoyed motorcycles, a great fondness of animals, especially our dogs and most of all we both knew Rubin Hernandez.
Why do I bring this up, you have to understand Rubin Hernandez. Rubin was the most physically scary person we both had ever met. Rubin had milk white skin, cold black hair, black agate eyes that looked through you and just the right amount of scar tissue around the eyes. Rubin was a middleweight professional fighter, whom once fought at the Cow Palace in two main events when another fighter didn’t show. He also did a little union work on the side, when in South San Francisco (where he lived) you would ask someone about Rubin, they would reply, whom do you want to collect money from? When Bob and I would get together on holidays or events we always brought up Rubin in jest, to have him call on someone we weren’t to fond of. The strange part of this is, Bob was the only person ii knew who knew Rubin, and vice versa, I’m the only person whom Bob knew that knew Rubin.
Bob was a person to whom the glass was always 1/2 full, always with a light hearted story, in constant good humor, 100% upbeat, even when there were personal or business problems, It’s rare to find a person with this outlook on life.
He will be missed– Joe Ferrando
Ken Fisher
Here is one short story for you about your father. I knew him 21 years. we went through a lot but much of that I’d rather not write about. We were friends the first 15 years. Then he went too work at the firm I head. Hence we stopped being friends and built a different and more formal relationship.
So, one day, not too long ago, I’m speaking at a conference in San Francisco and afterwards some guy comes up to me and asks, “Is Bob McAllen with you today?” I answer that Bob Isn’t and he goes on to explain how he met Bob at a meeting and liked him and just wanted to say hello. I explained that Bob was ill and mentioned the cancer and he said something to the effect of: “Hmmm, That must be what the eye patch was. Right?” “Right!” I said.
He said, “Bob said it was from his days with the pirates’ union, but I just figured he had long suffered some form of disfiguring accident or something and didn’t want to talk about it. It never dawned on me that he was seriously ill because he was so happy and seemly comfortable.”
That was Bob.— Ken
Ron Marenda
I fully agree with your statement that your father was a great man. we all have experienced his intelligence, humor, laughter, and his ability to always find positive in any situation. he also had a wonderful abundance of integrity in business which often would lead to him not making a sale. he still wouldn’t have it any other way if he thought the client wouldn’t be ultimately pleased with the transaction. So many pleasant experiences that still bring smiles. Even going to the dumps was a blast! we used the same rig to go out and buy a palm tree for our backyard which turned out to be a laugh riot. I too had a bug costume which got a lot of attention especially when we wore them at the same party.
One of the funniest incidents was when he answered the door on his knees and asked, “Does anyone want to buy a painting?” Upon opening the door he found himself almost eyeball with this very short guest who was extremely sensitive about his lack of height.
I will always remember him as a great friend and one of the guys I always had serious fun with no matter what we were doing. He was a man you don’t meet every day, more should have his wonderful qualities.
Sincerely, Ron Marenda
Dorothy Hardwicke
Hi Michael: You know you are a very lucky kid to have such great dad but you know that. When I think of your father I remember going to a restaurant and Bob announcing “We are the Donner party and we are hungry.” I quote him often, what a great and funny guy. I think god she surely made a BIG mistake taking Bob so young. I can’t think of anything comforting to say. Love, Dorothy Hardwicke- I am mad.
Mark McGreevey
Please accept my sincerest, heart-felt sympathies on the loss of your Dad. Cancer claimed both my father and my sister at too early an age. Unfortunately, you and I share membership in a club from which we would gratefully prefer to be excluded. I can all to well imagine the difficulty of those last trying months. I pray that God’s peace be with you and your family.
Your dad and I first met when my wife Pat and I were shopping for a home in Hillsborough in 1985. During the two years we lived in California Bob and I came to be good friends as we spent a considerable amount of time riding bicycles together. Blissfully unbeknownst to most he referred to himself as “Iron Legs McAllen” truly a legend in his own mind. I know for a fact he cringed on Saturday mornings at 7:00a.m. when he heard the unmistakable sound of my diesel car in his driveway! Seriously, your characterization of him in your letter is accurate. he was a tough, sharp and very, very funny man. He was also among the kindest men I have known. Your request for stories about your dad really acted as a salve to me because I was able to dredge up memories that without fail caused me to laugh out loud. how many people get to have that effect on others? Although I know I have met you I am sorry that I did not get to know you as I can tell by your devotion to your father that I would have liked you.
McGreevey’s Get the Blues We first met Bib when Pat and I arrived at San Francisco Airport in May of 1985 seriously intent in our pursuit of the perfect Hillsborough home. I was 33 years old and convinced I was a master of the universe and wanted to make sure everyone knew it. Bob, sensing me to be on a bit on the “tight” side was at his professional best. Mere hours later our Atlanta haughtiness was gone for good as we realized we were now victims of California’s real estate market, half the house at twice the price, take it or leave it & hurry up! As that unending day progressed we finally found a home that we really liked only to find it already sold. Now having transversed seemingly every up, down, and turned- around Hillsborough street in Bob’s barely functional diesel Oldsmobile with no air conditioning we were broken. Bemoaning our circumstances bob reached over, opened his glove compartment, retrieved a harmonica and began to play what he termed the McGreevey Blues. I turned around to look at pats in the back seat and between us we truly did not know whether to get out and call a cab. We chose the later. it was to be the first of so many hilarious moments courtesy of Bob McAllen.
As Providence would have finally found a house that we liked and somehow miraculously wasn’t already sold. Our confidence was returning as we now viewed ourselves not as about to go dangerously in debt but as an active participant in the California real estate boom. We had an appointment at Bob’s office office in the afternoon and geared ourselves up for this significant purchase. Welcomed, ushered into the conference room, given coffee, referred to as Mr. & Mrs. and generally treated like champions we were convinced that we were. We sat down earnestly with our game faces on and began the signing process. After the papers were passed bob handed me a pen. Faced with the most significant purchase of my life I found myself staring in befuddlement at a plastic pen molded in the shape of a large pink Prawn. I signed the papers with t he shrimp pen Bob got from a Burlingame sushi restaurant.
It is so ironic that only recently I was contemplating a pleasure trip to San Francisco for Pat & I and had made a mental note to give Bob a call a call and set up dinner with he and barb. Only days later I learned of his passing and never in our albeit infrequent conversations did he ever give any indication as to the gravity of his health circumstances. Bob has reminded me of life’s precious frailty.
Michael, I hope you get plenty of response to your letter. the stories about Bob must be voluminous and likely all of them will give you, Barb and Kathleen great, great joy. May god bless you all. Sincerely, Mark McGreevey
Louie Kappen
When my husband and I moved up here from Los Angeles Robert showed several homes before I finally got into Real Estate. At one particular home he “I think I’ll go and check out the plumbing.” Since I might be buying the home I decided I should also check the plumbing and I walked back and yes, he was using the plumbing- Surprised him a little(But didn’t see a thing) However, he never knew I didn’t see a thing!!! I sat next to Robert at Coldwell banker and he was such a delight to all- he was also such a a good eater-with his plastic bag of carrots, snow peas, and Raw potatoes. Louie Kappen
Joan La Macchia
Words of wisdom from my dear friend Bob McAllen: I would be so concerned over so many things and worry needlessly. Bob freed me with these words, “Joan, give the problem to whom it belongs!” Joan La Macchia.
Dear Barbara, Kathie & Michael
I was away for the weekend- at the old house at the Russian River- and so am sorry that I did not get your announcement nor could I attend the memorial for Bob. Incidentally, I realize this should be handwritten, but my never-good handwriting is getting worse, so typing is the only chance you can read it easily. I am very sad to hear of Bob’s too early death. The letter from Michael says it best. I do remember him with a smile. I talked to Eric about it this weekend and he remembered him in the SOB costume from the Odd Ball. My best memory is stopping by the house in Burlingame- much too long ago. In the bathroom I found a horn that looked vaguely Oriental. When I asked what it was for, he said,he said to blow to cover “noises” made while using the toilet. I hope that is sort of a story you wanted. Again, my sympathy. It is sad that we only touch old friends when something like this happens. Please get in touch and maybe we can get together for a happier occasion. Kenjonk
Jack Erdmann
Dear Mike, it’s impossible to remember all my experiences because Bob never failed to bring a smile or laughter every time we met. One memory was when bob had a job with Mendelson films and I came to pick him up at his office and he came out in a wheelchair pushed by an amused co-worker. Another was when I lost my transmission an old 89 Olds. I took it to a rough place up in the Fillmore. I was a bit short of cash which was not unusual for me and bob worried about me. So he dressed up in a long black overcoat and a hat with the brim pulled down furtively and when into the transmission shop without my knowledge and implied the “mob” wanted to be certain I was taken care of properly. When I came back to pick up my car and tell the owner I couldn’t pay his estimate he quickly told me it was fixed : No Charge”. He then told me about this thug who came in and became intensly polite to me so he didn’t offend me in any way. he said he “didn’t want and trouble” I was thrilled and went into a bar close by for a celebration drink and that’s when I saw Bob waiting to see that when he came back my car was fixed. I was knocked out by bobs creative caring. We had a drink and left.
When Bob would come by my office for a visit or lunch he would make the rounds of hello’s to his other friends there and then leave. However as he walked out and imaginary rope kept pulling him back until he finished with a “Pratt fall”. Of course everyone there loved Bob and the the floor of stockbrokers and secretaries broke out in laughter in unison!
Often Bob would carry a measuring tape in his pocket and would pull it out in an elevator or kneel down on a busy sidewalk or pull the tape out and start measuring a space for some unknown alteration. he did it in the most improbable places and it was wonderful to watch a crowd gather.and wonder what kind of construction work that was going to be done. The people would take him seriously and give him room to do his job. Of course bob would be rattling off figures and lines like ” Yep, it’ll fit in here”.
Sometimes we would meet Bob at a bar/restaurant we’d look for him and find him laying on top of five barstools trying to get some rest.
I had the “crabs” once and Bob came by, pulled up my pantleg and search for one. After he found one he put it in a n envelope and went back to the lab he was working at at the time. About an hour later he came back with a poster size blowup of the Ugly devil.
These are but a few of Bob’s contributions to the happiness of others. bob had a huge and soft heart and never ceased to amaze me with his talent and creativity. There is a define void in the space bob took in this self-centered world. I will miss him until the day I die!! Best, Jack Erdmann
Steve Curry
Of all the photos in our wedding album, this one is my favorite because it is of two of the most influential peoplein my life growing up. Two people who taught me to laugh & laugh & laugh. I’m so thankful that my grandparents & your family were both able to be there to celebrate with Tracy & me. What makes it even better is that I’ll never forget that when the
picture was taken, Bob & my grandmother were dancing to the B-52′s “LoveShack”!
I hope that you will enjoy it as much as I do.
– Steve “Cliff” Curry
Steve Vercher
When I first met Bob McAllen it was in 1998 as the minister to his son, Mike’s wedding. Mike had already told me that Bob had a brain tumor and being former EMS (Emergency Medical Services), I knew that patients had good days and bad days and I was happy to see that he seemed to be having a good day.
I introduced myself and asked how he was. Bob chuckled to himself and replied, “I’ve got a brain tumor but aside from that, I’m fine.” I remember thinking to myself that this was a man who was at peace with him self and what was happening to him and that he had not lost his sense of humor. His outlook was positive despite the debilitating illness that was slowly taking his life away from him and that when his time came he would face it with dignity and courage.
The day of Mike and Carrie’s wedding was a gorgeous summer day and the McAllen’s back yard provided a spacious setting for an event I was very happy and honored to participate in. I was standing off to one side waiting for things to begin when I noticed Bob walking about, tending to last minute details. In addition to the smart tuxedo he was wearing, he had a penguin hat on his head.
“That is so perfect,” I thought. While others may have gone with trite and tired “penguin suit” jokes, Bob merely donned that ridiculous hat and then never mentioned it.
It was one of the funniest moments in my life and helped me to relax and prepare for the task ahead of me.
In May of 2001, I suffered a heart attack and underwent angioplasty (that balloon thingy they do) and although I came through it all fine, it was touch and go for a while. During my convalescence and for a time after I was overwhelmed at the get well wishes I received and when people asked me how I was doing, I thought back to Bob Mc Allen, smiled and replied “I had a heart attack, but I’m fine now”.
Family
Liz O’Hara
Dear Barbara, Kathie, Michael & Families,
I’ve wanted to reply to Mikes letter asking for impressions and memories of Bob. I was saddened by his death and the hard decline you all endured. My impression was that Bob was huge like a Sequoia, and that it took cancer a long time to fell him. Since my own round with cancer, I ‘ve developed the hope that even if in the end cancer gets me, I won’t let it get my spirit or essence of who I am. I imagine that’s how Bob felt as well.
Bob was certainly larger than life in my experience. my first impression of him is a photograph from my parents wedding. he was a young man, probably 12, and I have the sense that he and my father were close. Dad was in the Army, and I imagine that Bob was intensely interested to learn about the war and the army from his uncle. Dad gave Bob a Lionel train set, added to it over the years, and when Jim was old enough to appreciate it, Bob offered it back. You know, we still have that train set. Please let us know if you want it back, Mike and Kathie.
As the last of that generation, I was pretty intimidated by the generation’s first. Shy from the start, I observed the family from the sidelines. It was always clear that Bob was the center of gravity, not only of my generation but of them all. The friend who spoke at the memorial hit it squarely when she said that it was Bob whom everyone wanted to be with, to know what he thought about and his take on things.
At some point it sunk in that Bob was no longer drinking at family gatherings. Laura spoke at length and with pride about Bob’s involvement in AA. This was around the time that I was getting deep into drinking myself, so Bob stands out as one of the first persons in my experience that stopped. It was hard for me to fathom, especially at family gatherings. I may have told you that I joined AA almost six years ago. I filed it away; while it took years, the seed eventually helped me get sober.
Finally, I know that when we were both having cancer treatments that we were closer than before. I liked his style of managing cancer. Open, emotional, interested, positive, funny, generous. It seems that you don’t pick your mentors so much as they appear to you when you are ready. Bob showed me a lot about how to face cancers return.
A different kind of impression of Bob is how he shines through his family. I enjoyed telling him after Mike and Carrie’s wedding how touched I was that Mike held hands with me as we walking towards the refreshments. A lovely and thoughtful gesture that seemed to come naturally, through a loving fathers influence. I think bob liked my telling him. of course I always loved Kathie, and saw how hard she fought to assure Bob had aggressive treatment. I believe that without her efforts Bob might have missed so much- the baby, Laura’s passing, and surely many irreplaceable moments. Barbara, I have to ache for you because it was so clear that you and Bob were soulmates, two strong people who were each other destiny.
Mike, I liked your letter so much and hope your project gives the family a lot of solace and pleasure. Thank you for giving me an opportunity to say these things which have been in my heart. –Liz O’Hara
Janice Guerin
“Bob Story” When Bob and Barbara lived in Marin we saw them much more frequently than we do now. At a party at their house in Strawberry one evening, Tom and I were talking to one Ron Poindexter, who was a dancer. (Bob and Barbara had so many interesting friends!) He and Bob had been in the same leader of the group. They marched around a lot, behind Bob. Ron’s fondness and admiration for Bob came across strongly, especially when he said, “We would have followed him anywhere!” I’ll never forget it. I had a mental picture of Bob, who cared little or nothing about military life with its strict regulations, chuckling to himself as he marched aimlessly around the base with eight or so men following happily behind him.
At dinner parties, even in restaurants sometimes, Bob and his chair would suddenly disappear from the table. Just as suddenly he would be there again, looking surprised and puzzled, asking if something had happened. he tipped his chair over backwards, on purpose, and somersaulted onto his feet! Mary Lou and Barbara profess not to remember this, but I am sure this happened. If Tom were here he would back me up.
And, of course everyone’s favorite story took place at your Hillsborough house, Michael. Mary Lou was dressed as the Easter Bunny and passing out candy eggs when there was a commotion on the roof. There he was in his famous bird costume, “No! No! No! the Easter Bunny is a fraud! Everyone knows that bunnies don’t lay eggs- only birds lay eggs!
Your dad was very special to us, Mike; loved and enjoyed by so many people, of different means , social strata, color and interests. I’m happy that he could be at your wedding and that he got to know Carrie for the deep and caring person she is. your relationship with your Dad was a pleasure to see. A glance between you across the room was enough to tell anyone who happened to notice that you were truly kindred souls.
Carry on! Much love, Janice
Jon Lam
I remember my first introduction to Bobs humor. It was at Wiley Martin’s baptism. It was the first time my family and I met a number of Greg’s relatives and we were all a bit nervous. Bob was standing in the buffet line next to my parents. Being his cordial self, he struck up a conversation and began to make us feel right t home. I had to step away for a moment and left my parents with Bob.
Later that day, my parents sat me down and let me know how they didn’t appreciate me keeping the wedding a secret. the wedding, I replied? Bob had told them he had heard about the wedding Greg and I had planned for next year and was looking forward to the big celebration. You can imagine the shock on my mothers face when she heard the news. We laughed about it afterwards with Bob.
We still laugh about it today. Jon
Eastman Webber
This is a story about the first time I encountered Bob McAllen. I was 19 and had been dating this chick Dayna for only a few months when she invited me to a holiday family gathering at her mothers house. She must be getting kind of serious I thought. “Great!” I said. ” I haven’t met your grandmother and younger sister.” “No” Dayna said. “my entire family” “Oh so how many people will be there?” I replied. “Well lets see, their are the Geoffrions, the Guerins, the McAllens, the “holy shit” I thought while Dayna continued the list. I had grown up an only child of a single parent with my next nearest relative more than 3000 miles away. My idea of a family function was breakfast with my father. I unknowingly agreed to attend an event of a very large number of well educated, well dressed, well spoken, well-to-do family members each of whom, I was sure, would delight in judging me harshly. “What should I wear? What should I say? What fork should I use and when was I suppose to use it?” It was no use I hadn’t the skills to survive. I felt sure I would be laughed out of this function as completely unworthy. so the night of the holiday party arrives and I walked nervously into Dayna’s mothers house that looked like the December cover of Sunset magazine. Off to the right, through open double doors, was a large room full of happy yet unfamiliar faces, all engaged in boisterous conversation. I almost made a run for it when I I caught something in the corner of my eye that seemed curiously out of place. With a shake of the head and forced blinking of the eye to refocus I saw hovering over the crowd a Nazi war helmet. on top of the helmet was a swirled plop of dog shit, on the front the words “Poo Poo patrol” and underneath was Uncle Bob. That instance I knew everything would be just fine.
Laurie Gurien Haight
The root of my wanting to be Kathie was when Bob first came into t he picture. he came to the first family party with Kathie riding on his shoulders. he twirled her down in a double somersault to the ground, then back up to perch on his other shoulder. At one point she hung upside down on his back while he held her feet. This looked incredible fun, but only Kathie knew Bob. Michele and I proceeded to try to win him over. We would sneak up on him at the grown ups dinner table and start massaging his shoulders. This he enjoyed quite a bit until it got so that he couldn’t sit down without Michele and I hovering behind him. The situation got worse when Kathie got to be on a TV show of kids doing gymnastics through Bobs “TV friends”. Boy did that look fun. One night when we were at Barbara’s for dinner, Bob started talking about his new job driving models around. It turned out he had a trailer full of fabulous fur coats outside in the driveway. Barbara, who at this point in her life had a different hair color every time we saw her, modeled the coats for us. they were long , short, hot pink, polka dotted, whatever you could imagine Barbara was the coolest mom in the universe, Bob the coolest guy and Kathie the coolest kid. Then came bunu, who I thought was pretty cool too. Kathie didn’t agree, but then he was her first experience of brothers. I had three and didn’t see why one was such a big deal. But Bunu grew up to also be an incredibly cool guy.
Love you all, Laurie
Bill Beckman
I never did hang out with Bob much as he was much older than me, six years actually. As kids I would see him at all the O’Hara parties. Every Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas we would all meet at “Nana & Grandpa’s” house in Berkeley. Everyone would dress up, men in neckties, have dinner andsocialize. We all got along well, especially for relatives. As I became an adult these parties became something to look forward to because we always had a good time. Bob always had some good stories and jokes to tell. I’ve been lucky to have good relatives on both sides of my family, Beckman
And O’Hara, no feuding, all good partiers. My first recollection of your dad was at a very young age. Actually I
don’t remember him at all. I remember his dog, Pogey. I always liked dogs and I got to play with pogey the puppy on the lawn at the O’Hara parties. Pogey was a member of our family for a long time. As I remember Bob was Graduated from college and in the army when pogey died. The dog must have been past 20. Laura was afraid to tell him. I think pogey was like his little
brother.
One Christmas dinner at the Ritter’s I remember Bob asking Father Leo if he would change clothes with him. Bob wanted to wear Leo’s priest collar. They went up stairs and changed. When bob came down dressed as a Priest everyone had a good time with it. Bob Blessed all of us. Leo and Bob were great friends and always shared lots of laughter together.
I remember your dad telling me how he was known as “Weird Bob” back in the late 50s or early 60s. He used to either live or hang out in the Fillmore district of S.F. He said that he used to go to the Chinese movies and really enjoy them even though he spoke no chinese. This was one of the reasons why he had this nick name. This was prior to the hippy movement in
S.F. Actually there was a group of people known as “Beatniks” living In S.F. at that time. I never thought Bob was in that group but I’ll bet he knew many of them. Bob always had a great time at the beach. The O’Hara clan has deep
Roots on the beaches of Santa Cruz area. Your Greatgrand parents took his Kids on vacations to Santa Cruz when your grandmother was a young teenager. You probably have seen some pictures. Back in the 1950s my parents would
rent a house each summer for two weeks on the beach at Rio Del Mar. All the O’Hara’s would visit us for a weekend.
In about 1976 we had our first “reunion” at the Poe’s in Seascape. It became an annual affair celebrating, Grandpa O’Hara’s 100th birthday. Your dad loved to swim in the ocean. We would lay around the beach having a few beers. Then we would start the “O’Hara olympics.” We would have a Baseball game, volleyball game, and a football game, all on the beach. Then
some of us would go swimming. The ocean was cold but Bob would always be the last one out. That is he would be the last one out until Doug Martin came along. Bob would get out and be blue and Doug would still be out there surfing.
Maybe you remember Bob and I playing “last tag” when we were going home from Aptos. Here we were 50 years old running around the street trying to tag each other. When we got tired of running we would casually pat on the back. One time Bob got the last tag and then locked himself in the back seat of that old Cal. Limo. In fact, I think you were his driver that time.”
Thanks and Thoughts (from Mike)
First I would like to thank a few wonderful people.
My sister Kathie for keeping my dad with us for so long. I truly believe when she scoured the internet finding as much information about his cancer and then telling my dads doctor that their was a cancer study in his own hospital. Telling his doctor that my dad should be in this study. She kept my dad alive a lot longer. Even if the study drug was a placebo or didn’t work it gave him hope. And hope is very important. My sister is one smart cookie and I love her.
I want to thank my mom Barbara who stepped up to the plate and took care of my dad and made his last days bearable and comfortable also letting him die at home with his good friend Murphy and Flint. I am so proud of her and I love her.
I want to thank my wife Carrie for telling me when she saw my dad in the horrible care facility. “He’s coming home with us” She is wonderful and I love her for everything she did for my dad. She and my father had such a great relationship. She kept him laughing and comfortable in the most uncomfortable situations.
I want to thank Brittney for spending so much time with my dad. Doing her homework in his room, keeping him company. She is a great kid and I love her. She gave up her room right away when we said he was coming to live with us. She also gave him tons of backrubs which I know he loved.
I want to thank all of my family for helping us so much. Mary Lou and Len bringing over all that food was wonderful. Tom and Michael Jones for flying out here with Kathie so many times.
Mario Decaro, Jack and Jim O’Hara for all there visits. Plus all the other people that came over to see him.
I want to thank my work InVision Communications for being so supportive through this whole ordeal.
Stories
My father told me a story that when I was in kindergarten he had to come pick me up from school in the middle of the day. He drove me home and asked what happened? He wanted to hear my side of the story why I was suspended for the day. I told him that some second graders had called me kindergarten baby. He asked, “what did you do?” I replied, “I called them fuckerfaces!” He said with a grin back to me”Where did you learn to talk like that?” We both knew.
I always wanted to be like my father. He told me one time that he was worried I was becoming a wise ass like him. He said if he had not been such a wise ass alienating his bosses joking around he probably would have been much more successful. I cant remember if he told this to me by the pool of his million dollar home or driving in his Lexus somewhere. I think I will try my best to be like him.
Through the last months of my dads illness the time he lived with Carrie, Brittney and I was one of the most horrible and wonderful times of my life. I wrote down some of the things that happened in my journal. He are a few of them.
01/23/00
A French aviator set his girlfriends snatch on fire, then went down in flames. My father has said many funny things since coming to live with us. We just got him a bedside commode- Carrie and I left him so he could get some privacy to do his business. I heard him yell, “Mike” I ran in there and said “What’s wrong?” He said I think I m giving birth”
Now that I am writing this it sounds awfully crude but during this whole ordeal humor got us through it all.
1/24/00
My dad cry’s out in a fake scream every time we change him. Seems the baby wipes are cold and its quite a shock to him. The funny jokes we all shared as we deal with these uncomfortable moments which have become so routine. My wife is the most wonderful person in the world. She does things for my dad that only special people can do. I will always love her for her love she showed my dad.
1/28/00
“Whose the leader of the cult?” My dad asked. Carrie answers as she and I pull on our gloves to change him, “What cult?” Bob smiled at us and said “The cult of green gloved people who put there hands down my pants!” we all got a good laugh from that.
That evening he also made me promise to tell Michael (Tom and Kathie kid – his grandson) that he was sorry for “telling Mikey to stop crying or I will hit him with a stick!” My father had such a way with words. He also said that” I should tell him the closeness of our relationship.” Then he said, “He should also know I am full of Bullshit”
Jim and Joyce head came over and told us how he used to ride his bike over in the middle of the night in his pajamas for drinks. He also said. “I always like Elephants but I never collected them.(might be an WC Fields line)
2/6/00
Today was a nice day. my dad woke us up via the baby monitor that Kathie gave us to use. He said. “Bob McAllen needs help on the first floor”(he was in the next room) I then heard him say “Bob McAllen signing off” Carrie and I laughed about that one. Today My Uncle Jack came over with his girlfriend Angie. Also Kathie is in town with Boopers(Michael) That evening my boss and good friend Kathryn Barnicle from work came over and watched Bowfinger. My father smoked some marijuana for his appetite and he seemed to enjoy the movie alot and we all ate pizza. My dad has been very sharp lately and in a good mood. I give him a hug every night – hugs are great things. One of the best things. My father told me “he has, in the past enjoyed a few belts” Thought that was funny. Big secret.
3/1/00
My father has a habit of tearing off all his clothes at night. We finally found the right combination of sleeping pills so he could get a good nights rest(with the doctors help) I woke up this morning and found him naked with a large green pillow on his crotch. I told him later that day that he was seen humping a pillow. He said.” Thank God, I was afraid it wasn’t working anymore” He has been singing alot lately. “He sang this song about Jonathon Peabody JR High, 3 cheers for the Orange and Green. He also informed carrie that he has swung on people that have goosed him in the past.
3/8/00
Carrie was in our bedroom and my dad and I were chatting about him walking for exercise. He complained it was to late for him to practice walking. Carrie was changing from work and walked into the doorway on my dads bad eye side. She wasn’t wearing a shirt just some jeans. I said, “Maybe he should have something to walk for” (meaning her breasts) My father caught on right away and said, “I cant see her on that side, but she should know my sight is bad but my sense of touch is perfect!” We all got a great laugh.
I can remember when I walked in on Carrie changing my dad and they were laughing. My dad said the medication he was taking made his penis small. She always refered to protecting the family jewels when we were taking care of his diaper rash. I know that humor really helped us during these situations.
4/17/00
My dad moved over to my moms house. She is doing a great job with him. She really stepped up to the plate with him and I am very, very proud of her. I also love her very much.
4/19/00
My dad told me a story today about when he heard his friend Pete Matson was having a dinner party up the street. My father drove up there and walked through the dining room while all the guests were eating. They all were struck that a strange man was walking through. he walked out and drove home.
Another story he told me was at a company he worked at there was a large room with cubicles. the company was bought by a large company and rumors of drug testing came up. My father did not like the new manager and played a small prank. He slipped into the office late one night and typed up a letter on the company stationary. He stated in the letter that a urine sample was needed from each employee and it was to be put in the managers office. He had brought a case of urine sample bottles from a medical supply company he had worked for in the past. He put the copy of the letter and the sample bottle on everyone’s(including his own) and slipped out. When the manager returned to work he found several urine samples on his desk.
12/2/00
When we lived on Robinwood lane the house behind us looked right down on our backyard and kitchen living room. The lady used to watch us. My father one day filled a old vodka bottle with water and walked around in his tighty whitey underwear guzzling the bottle. Of course she was horrified. But that’s the reaction I think he was looking for.
Another time he told me of a few friends and him took a friend who just had died and had always wanted to live in Hillsborough the took his cremated body and sprinkled it around this mansion in Hillsborough. This was highly illegal especially for a real estate broker. But my father took care of his friends.